Because I want a title, damn it

I've been looking so long at these pictures of you
that I almost believe that they're real
I've been living so long with my pictures of you
that I almost believe that the pictures are all I can feel


I particularly like the last part. It's so expressive... And I suppose it must mean something to me for it to stand out as it does. Perhaps pictures do steal a part of your soul. I can feel any old way I like, I only have to distract myself. But you can see my secrets in a photo. In the second before the flash, something unhinges in my tincan heart, and I am broken.

Robear is coming for fall break! From October 15th-19th. Yay! I will find a ticket, and we will watch the Baylor game here. I will take him to all the places I like downtown. I will take him to the library and around the campus, look at all the lawn art! I will take him to Sheldon, maybe. Yay!

Christi gets hit on a lot. Once, someone looked at me... Hahaha. The only pleasure I get is the occasional laughter. The laughter makes my soul sing.

I need to take some pictures and post them!

And um, MANOS, dude, I totally checked and my profile link does too work. I asked like 5 people, and they all said the same...so...I dunno...

Here's a link that I keep forgetting to post.
And another one compliments of Jenny. : ))


If only I'd thought of the right words
I could have held on to your heart
If only I'd thought of the right words
I wouldn't be breaking apart   ¶ 01:20

 
I need to write. I need to somehow cleanse myself of these thoughts gnawing at me. Time is a harsh element.

All right, after making this, I feel better:

  ¶ 17:47

 
I never hoped for something I couldn't believe in.   ¶ 23:59

 
Ancient Warfare at 10:30 in Burnett Hall this morning was fairly interesting. Professor Winter showed up late, arms full of books and papers. He dropped these hap-hazardly onto the desk and explained that he had been misinformed as to where we were to meet for class. He told us about learning how to throw the javelin over the summer, and said he would elaborate later. He took off his belt to demonstrate how the lower ranks in Homeric combat used a sling contraption to fling rocks and other such weapons at their enemies. He admonished those of us who use electric hedge clippers because he says it is much easier to trim your hedges with a sword.

I was oddly talkative at lunch. To a complete stranger.

Professor Lahey, of Reading Scripture, is to be ordained an Episcopalian Pastor on September 21st. We are all invited to the ordination. His favorite television show is South Park and he is currently reading Gilligan's Wake: A Novel by Tom Carson. It is apparently a really good book.

Soaked through with rainwater, I arrived at Principles of Mass Communication: Journalism 101 and sat in the back row by a boy named Drake, from New York. Drake is a medicine (I think? Or maybe it was biology...) major who doesn't quite know his way around just yet. He followed me to Andersen. Hehehe, I feel smart. Professor Berens said to let her know if we think we'll have a problem getting there on time everyday. That's probably me.

Tomorrow, I have Rhetoric as Argument with Professor Kaye-Skinner from 9:30 to 10:45 AM and All-Collegiate Choir with Professor Curington from 6:15 to 7:25 PM. Fun stuff. I haven't had to use my voice since 9th grade! I hope I don't suck... : (

In other news, in the past day, my number of profile views has jumped from 139 to 221! And yet...no one has left any comments on here. I am confused...

I will try to write more later. Allen, the PA from NU Start, was at the Big Red Welcome street fair yesterday and passed right by me. Didn't say a word! I am used to people ignoring me, but he actually used to talk to me! Rrr. Well, whatever. I don't really know why it bothers me.   ¶ 23:49

  Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood
This is an awesome song.

So...there is not much to write...I have absolutely nothing to do this whole week. Yesterday, I stayed in my room the entire day, only leaving to check my mailbox and go to the bathroom. Today, I was a bit more active. I went and turned my piccolo back in. No need for it. I don't really know why I rented it in the first place, considering I already have one. Oh. News: I didn't make the marching band. >.< Retarded! So, I have been thinking this whole time that my reasoning is whacked and that I'm just trying to make myself feel better, but no, it really is true. I can play, just not their stupid, crappy rental piccolo. Today, I played everything from memory on my own piccolo and did fine! RRR. It's stupid really, because that's what the first audition is for, anyway-to make sure you can play your instrument. Obviously, I can play because I made it through the first audition. I am one of 13 people to make it through the first audition. I am competent on my instrument. And yet... while the second audition is SUPPOSED to be completely marching, they tested us on playing, too...RR. AND they wouldn't let me go get my own piccolo from the dorm, which was FIVE freaking minutes away. AND, as a result of taking part in the NU Start program, I had not been able to practice in over a month. No practice rooms were open! Rrrr. Anyway, stupid rental crap. The other people couldn't play their rentals either! That SHOULD be an indication... Anyway, I am actually pretty relieved because the moment I got to the camp, I thought to myself...why the hell am I subjecting myself to this abuse AGAIN? And now, I can get a job and join clubs and stuff. And guess what? I joined choir! Yay! I am wanting to watch Kill Bill right now. I wish I had it... : ( All of my friends are out of town until Thursday! Well, Christine is here, but she is always hanging out with her pedophile friends....I'm like....buh...Anyway, Jenny is coming in Thursday evening and we plan to see Mean Girls again because we are dorks. Yay! Besides, the movies are free on Friday for Big Red Welcome! Yay! You know, one of these days, I will get around to taking pictures of Lincoln for everyone. It's pretty right now. And I can't wait till fall, when the leaves will *gasp* actually change! Today I ordered a DDR mat and little adaptor thing so I can play it on my computer, but I am really mad because they overcharged me. They didn't even double charge me. No. They didn't even charge me the right amount for the first order! (they charged me for two separate orders) Anyway, I am rightly pissed off about it. I am $160 out the window! And it will cost me a 4% charge to cancel the damned thing, even though THEY messed up! RRR...I tried to call right after I checked my account online, which was only like 5-10 minutes after I made the order, and they were closed for the day! So I tried to leave a message with customer service, but the automated message said that that mailbox was already full and to please try again later. Stupid! Then, I sent them an e-mail and it said, "Due to the large amount of e-mail we receive every day, please allow at least 48 hours for a response." By that time, the transaction will already have gone through! So I am in a Catch 22 unless I can somehow get ahold of them tomorrow... *prostrate*

Dude, I just found this. Funny!

Umum...Oh yeah, back to what I've been doing today. All righty, so I returned that piece of crap rental and got a refund. (yay for money!) Then, I went to the Union to see if they had a splitter thingy so that both me and my roomie can have phones hooked up. I feel competent because they totally had one, and I found it all by myself! Oh yeah. My roommate came over today to check out the room and stuff, and she's nice. Yeah. The sheet of paper was a typo. She's from China. Kinda figured...Anyway, she's probably going to move everything in tomorrow evening...Which is today, technically. Well, that will be fun. She likes her loft because she is short enough to stand under it without hitting her head. So that's cool. Umm...OH! I checked my grades online today to see if they had been updated, and I got an A+ in Introduction to Literature 180. Yay for 4.0's! My library credit isn't a letter grade since it is required...Eh. Whatever. I still want to write a novel, even though I am too impatient...and completely incompetent.

So, at NU Start, we had mandatory study hours and they'd go around and make sure we were all in attendance in at least one of the study areas. So, they'd mark 'L' for Lounge, 'Q' for Quiet, and 'C' for Computer Lab. Anyway, Allen, one of the Program Assistants came over one day and was marking us off and asked what 'L' stood for. (I wonder why he asked, because he obviously knew...) And I said, having not yet figured out the abbreviations, "Loser?" lol. I am an idiot. Seriously, what does that say about my self-esteem anyway? Well...and he made me feel like a loser because he's really cool. UGH! I hate cool people! Not really. Because they're really cool... : (( I am despairing. This week has been a jumble. So many good things and so many horrid things... Um...Well at least I will get out for lunch tomorrow. So yay for that. : )) I hope Christine doesn't sleep in and cancel on me again. But oh well if she does. I need to eat my fridge, anyway. It's packed right now.   ¶ 00:29

  Walk Away
Sometimes it'd be nice not caring, not getting my hopes up and then so disappointed. To the point it hurts. Optimism is an ever-draining experience. I waste so much time and energy trying to believe in the good of people and life, telling myself things will get better one of these days. I try to overcome my fears with an overwhelming faith in something I've never even known. And yet, for all this pain, I'd rather remain this way than risk injuring my dignity. The irony is, I have none. I have no dignity at all.   ¶ 00:17

 
It's only been 3 weeks. It's not real. Nothing ever is.   ¶ 00:56

 
OK, so I moved into my dorm for the school year today. Yes, I did post pictures of my dorm last time, but that was a different dorm. This is my (more) permanent one! It's smaller, but more centrally located. : )) With music people and international students! Like my roomie. : ))

Yes, I do have the chair that EVERYone gets for the dorms. Yes, the Target chair. But it is so cool! I don't feel bad. So ha.   ¶ 00:02

  Dorm.
All righty. Here's my room Glenners. : ))

And of course me.

I look freaky.


My background is a picture I took of the jellyfish at the zoo. So cool.   ¶ 01:32

  reverie
Per Glenners's request to see my dorm room, I have taken pictures and will post them soon. I must borrow Jenny's cable. I think I left mine at home. Rrr. Today I saw Mean Girls at the theatre for $2, which is cheaper than renting the stupid thing. Just something to do, really. Because I won't admit that I secretly really wanted to see it. We went to Cold Stone Creamery after the movie and yum-ee(yes, phonetically spelled)! My English class is progressing nicely. I have only to read The Talented Mr. Ripley this weekend and I will be prepared. We will be viewing the film and writing an analysis of the book to film adaptation process on Monday. Today we saw a nice little piece by Veber, Le Diner de Cons (The Dinner Game). I am annoyed that this won't accept the language accents. Anyway. Yesterday, we drove to Best Buy to find dance mats and of course that was completely unproductive. Eh. Stupid Best Buy. Last day of class is this Thursday, August 12th, and I will be moving into Selleck. Busy day! Tomorrow we will be spending the night in the aquarium at the zoo. Imagine walking around the zoo at night when everyone else is gone. So neat! I hope. At least I can fall asleep with the sea above me. Right-o. It is late and I am deathly fatigued. Even though I had a 4-hour nap today. : )) Sleep is beautiful.   ¶ 03:46

  survey thingy
BED
:x: What are three things on your bed right now? Elizabeth my bunny, summer comforter and quilt, and three pillows
:x: What are four things you can touch from your bed? if I try real hard, my alarm, my headphones, my lotion, and my water
:x: What are your sheets like? they look like denim; my comforter is fuschia
:x: Who was the last person to sleep in your bed? no idea. I guess the last person to stay in this dorm room.
:x: What does your bed smell like? like the room. a sterile...weirdness. and probably me.
:x: Can you see outside from your bed? yes. i got the window loft! : ))
:x: What stuffed animals are on your bed? Elizabeth. my quilt is kinda like a stuffed animal
:x: What is under your bed? A LOT. Boxes I have left most everything in since I will have to move yet again, a table/tray thing with my miniature mini car on it, my suitcases, my laundry basket thing, lotso supplies
:x: Who do you wish was in your bed? no idea. um...a nice Scott boy
:x: Do you sleep under the comforter? yes. always. 'tis my summer comforter, and it's down! (and my roomie makes it really cold in here)
BATHROOM
:x: How many people use your bathroom? All the girls on the first floor and probably some from the 3rd floor.
:x: How is your bathroom decorated? It's not really decorated.
:x: Who was the last person to use your bathroom?no idea. just a second. ok, someone with navy blue plastic sandles.
:x: Are there messages on the mirror? not in the bathroom, but in the room, yes. My roomie put our phone number for our room up there.
:x: How far away from your bedroom is your bathroom? dang it!, I should have looked through this whole thing. just a second. ok, 25 steps.   ¶ 15:30

 
Happy Birthday Ally!   ¶ 13:44