My Short Story
Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results makes you crazy.
Your first life was extremely devout. Every week masses, every night prayers to God, and respecting the sabbath. God made you, and God made all those faults, all the sins you would eventually commit.

With free will, how can anyone believe in fate? If we are not perfect, how can we be God's creation? Why would he make something so incomplete, so prone to wasting its potential? If God is perfect, why would he even bother with humanity? The whole planet, God, is only one human being who was inexplicably lonely and made for himself a world of company and a bunch of explaining away.
The truth is all in perception. The truth is, as long as you believe you serve a purpose in life, you will feel that you have none. You will let yourself be guided along a path that has no rhyme or reason, and you will hope blindly that you are pushed in the right directions. But if you shed this untruth, if you reject the ideal of purpose, you will suddenly gain it. You will not wait for reassurance in the grand design, you will serve yourself, and you will write a story more beautiful than this nonexistent fate ever could have.
Curse the conscience within. Curse the unending fountain of hope, the continuous stream of disappointments. If something strong and cruel passes along and causes an internal disturbance, maybe the fountain will run dry; all the God left inside of me will evaporate and finally I will be at peace. Realism is the ideal. You're never letdown, and when things pull through, you're even pleasantly surprised.   ¶ 03:52

 
There's always this time in the night when it's far too late for logical thoughts. At this point, I become my most honest. If I am truly happy at this time, I will go to bed and sleep peacefully. If I'm unhappy, I will sit up listening to my mellow songs and pondering life for far too long.

I suppose I don't understand the value of knowledge sometimes. I don't understand what good it does to open the eyes of someone so deluded as to believe they are happy. If you can fool yourself into thinking you are happy, what is the worth of discovering a hard, cold truth? Just embrace it, joy in it; sooner or later, something will come along to bring you down.
I do believe there is such a possibility as to be too aware of one's self, of one's thoughts and feelings.
To always be looking into the past is to limit oneself to new experiences and possibly to new feelings. If you have never felt happiness, will you truly believe it is possible for you to feel it after a certain point? And if you are afraid you will be disappointed again, will you not destroy even the best of things that comes your way? You will not even be able to recognize a new emotion's existence.
Sometimes, even if you are fooling yourself, you have to forget your qualms and just resolve that you are exactly what/who/how you want to be.   ¶ 04:22