It's always these things from your past that make you feel the way you do and make you make the decisions you do in your present and then into your future. You say, I don't regret the past, but it's so difficult not to when your past is making you so regrettably shy or apathetic or whatever it is that bothers you about yourself. I know there are good things about the past. The past is my favorite medium. And that's why I have to let it go. Because remembering the past, holding onto it like I am so wont to do is just unhealthy. In response, I make plans. I come to realizations, and I accept the hard facts. I take these in stride, as if that will prepare me for them whenever it is I must face them. In this way, I have come to accept a small life. One that is so ornate and so very colorful, that it is beautiful. It is small but full. And that is what comforts me. Makes me able to accept the loss of friends, the loss of dreams, even the loss of myself, at times. I never had the fear that I couldn't find my way back to where I started from. Weaving as I will, in and out of the side streets, I've discovered something so strange and beautiful in the detour, in the journey. Perhaps I might feel slightly upset at my apparent disregard for the world. I have become nearly detached. It was not a natural state, nor was it necessarily an accepted one. But there's no going back now. In this way, the feeling of being able to survive so completely independent of others is empowering. It's empowering in the way that I know I will survive. I know that I'll be ok, I'll jump back, dust myself off, walk on. Each one of these assertions of independence is a stepping stone to my successful existence.
